Romantic Relationships vs. Queerplatonic Relationships
(Please note that for the purpose of this post I’m using “queerplatonic” to mean “committed platonic relationship” as I know not everyone is comfortable with this term. I am talking about my own experiences, and for my own experiences queerplatonic is the word I enjoy using, although I know this…
I have severe problems with your definition of aromantic and queer-platonic relationships.
With this definition, you implied that queerplatonic attraction is the exact same thing as romantic attraction, because, as you stated, the difference between a QP relationship and a romantic relationship is based on what people expect in a relationship based on societal standards. Not what the people actually feel.
With your definition, everybody who wants relationships to have no rules or obligations except for those they define with their significant others is aromantic.
This is a problem because:
1) It erases the people who actually are incapable of feeling attraction.
2) It’s using GSRM terms to describe something that’s not. You covered it in a few posts already, so I’m not going to go into how or why this is problematic.
3) It’s how relationships (no matter what kind) should be anyway. In an ideal relationship, all parties involved would be happy doing their own thing, with no obligations to do what they don’t feel comfortable with. A relationship like this shouldn’t be classified as special, or something that only a minority are born to want.
I know that this is your personal definition and I don’t have to use it… But you’re a popular blog and you have influence a lot of other people’s own definitions, so it’d be nice if your definitions of things could be… well, better.
This is not what I meant. I do not think that queerplatonic attraction and romantic attraction are the same thing, because fundamentally queerplatonic attraction and romantic attraction are desires for a different kind of relationship. I think there is overlap there, but they aren’t the same thing by any stretch.
However, do I think that queerplatonic vs. romantic is to some degree self-defined? Yes, because romantic attraction feels different for everyone. But I don’t think that means that everyone who wants their relationships to have no rules is in a queerplatonic relationship. I think there are certain distinct differences between queerplatonic attraction and romantic: limerence, a desire to perform certain romantic-coded behaviors, etcetera. However, I also do think that a big part of romance is culturally-defined, as for a lot of human history ‘romance’ as we define it didn’t exist, but again this is just my own opinion.
I think a lot of the problem with this post is I was trying hard to be inclusive of everyone, but in the process ended up making some sort of hazy statements. I apologize for that. The truth is I honestly don’t know how I define ‘romance’, because romance doesn’t even seem like a real thing within my own lived experience (not that it isn’t real to other people). That makes making comparison posts like this difficult to say the least.
I agree completely with your #3 point and I think that saying romantic relationships have a certain obligation is a very problematic statement. What I would say is there are certain societal expectations, but of course one doesn’t have to match those societal expectations.
I apologize and I would like to remind everyone that I’m just one person running a blog and my opinions change and fluctuate with time and more knowledge. Please don’t take anything I say here as gospel.