Anonymous said: I'm trying to figure out if I'm aro and I know that I'm ace. According to the AVEN wiki, "crushes sometimes entail jealousy of partners of the person of interest, and desire for romantic contact (such as kissing), a dating relationship, or marriage, while squishes do not." Sometimes I get jealous when my squish is super interested in other people to the point that they ignore me/don't seem to want an intimate friendship with me. Do you think that makes it a crush?
No, I don’t think so. I actually question that definition because jealousy can happen in all kinds of relationships, not just romantic. I’ve had friends before who I was 100% sure I had no romantic interest in (not that I have romantic interest in anyone, but there are some people who I’m sure I wouldn’t even theoretically have romantic interest in if I were allo) that I felt jealous they were spending so much time with their SO.
I think when you spend a lot of time around someone, and then suddenly someone else is filling that space you used to occupy, or you WANT to spend time around someone and then someone else is filing that space you want to occupy, it’s natural to feel a little jealousy whether that relationship be romantic, sexual, platonic or anything else (of course, it’s important to make sure that jealousy is dealt with in a healthy way and not in a manipulative way).
If you feel jealous of that person because they are in a romantic relationship with them and you want to be in a romantic relationship with them, then I would say yes, your feelings are probably a crush and not a squish. However, if you feel jealous that person is spending a lot of time with this person that you’d like to spend with them, or because you want to be in a significant relationship with them (like a QP for example), that’s different.