This is a blog for aromantic asexuals, aromantic sexuals, grey-romantics, akoiromantics, and anyone else on the aromantic spectrum. We try our best to be inclusive and will offer advice to anyone who comes to our ask box. Check out our FAQ here if you're confused by any of the terminology we use. Please do not send me asks about asexuality exclusively (and not, for example, aromanticism as it relates to asexuality).

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Anonymous said: there was an anon asking about whether them being jealous of their squish makes it a crush instead and i just wanted to say sometimes my alloromantic qpp talks about her friends and other people she loves a lot in platonic way and id get really jealous but she also had a girlfriend and shed talk to me about her crushes and i wouldnt feel anything except being glad for her so thats the difference i think (im aromantic myself)

Hmm, I don’t think that’s the difference for everyone. It might be for you personally, but I’ve had experiences of being jealous of someone’s crushes/romantic partners, just because they were spending so much time with them and cared about them so much, not because I wanted them to have a crush on or be dating me. So that, to me, is the difference.

Sep 20th, 2014

djcotronas:

#NOROMO, #YESHOMO ; a raunchy mix for rude queer babes who like to get well-fucked, and whose ideal “Mr. Right” is a quadruple-decker sandwich [LISTEN]

(via arohq)

Sep 20th, 2014

soysaucevictim said: Hello. Recent follower and aro-ace, here. I have a kinda silly question for you and other aros 'round here... you know that song "Sometimes When We Touch"? I'm curious about others' thoughts on that song and ones like 'em. Personally, I think it's hilarious and over-the-top (it's in my faves outta sheer amusement). Thanks for reading!

Personally, when I hear soppy romantic songs like that I always find myself rolling my eyes. Sometimes they’re funny to me in a “what, people really feel this way?!” sense, but other times they just annoy me. When I felt a lot less okay with my orientation, they made me feel sad. But now it’s just a “wow, this is definitely not for me” thing. 

Sep 20th, 2014

Anonymous said: I'm trying to figure out if I'm aro and I know that I'm ace. According to the AVEN wiki, "crushes sometimes entail jealousy of partners of the person of interest, and desire for romantic contact (such as kissing), a dating relationship, or marriage, while squishes do not." Sometimes I get jealous when my squish is super interested in other people to the point that they ignore me/don't seem to want an intimate friendship with me. Do you think that makes it a crush?

No, I don’t think so. I actually question that definition because jealousy can happen in all kinds of relationships, not just romantic. I’ve had friends before who I was 100% sure I had no romantic interest in (not that I have romantic interest in anyone, but there are some people who I’m sure I wouldn’t even theoretically have romantic interest in if I were allo) that I felt jealous they were spending so much time with their SO. 

I think when you spend a lot of time around someone, and then suddenly someone else is filling that space you used to occupy, or you WANT to spend time around someone and then someone else is filing that space you want to occupy, it’s natural to feel a little jealousy whether that relationship be romantic, sexual, platonic or anything else (of course, it’s important to make sure that jealousy is dealt with in a healthy way and not in a manipulative way). 

If you feel jealous of that person because they are in a romantic relationship with them and you want to be in a romantic relationship with them, then I would say yes, your feelings are probably a crush and not a squish. However, if you feel jealous that person is spending a lot of time with this person that you’d like to spend with them, or because you want to be in a significant relationship with them (like a QP for example), that’s different.

Sep 20th, 2014

Anonymous said: What is the difference between a friendship with intensely strong intellectual, emotional, sensual attraction and a "romantic relationship"? Are a romantic relationship's differences only that it starts with a date and moves up a ladder of relationship development (moving in together, children,etc.), and that it is "official" by society's standards? Because I think by society's standards I am pretty much in a romantic asexual relationship except I am not?

I don’t think that’s necessarily the case. There are plenty of romantic relationships out there that don’t move up the relationship ladder like poly relationships or even just relationships that don’t fit the marriage/children/death concept. 

I think what distinguishes romantic relationships is feeling limerence, wanting to kiss/cuddle/etc in a way you wouldn’t with friends, feeling that ‘butterfly in the stomach’ feeling and so on. I’m probably not the best person to ask about what romantic attraction is, but that’s what I can gather as to what it is. 

If you don’t define your relationship as a romantic asexual relationship, then that’s not what it is. I believe in self-definition in relationships and that you know yourself and your relationships better than anyone. The ideas I throw out here are just suggestions and my own opinion - you can take them however you will. If saying your relationship is a romantic asexual relationship doesn’t feel right, then don’t call it that. No one has to force a label on you just because society says “this type of relationship is supposed to look like this” - that’s how amatonormativity and concepts like the relationship escalator mess us up in the first place. 

Sep 20th, 2014

Anonymous said: hey! so I was wondering about this whole aromantic thing and I love~ the idea of romantic love. (having fictional OTP's and all that) but when it comes to myself actually having relationships, I get...embarrassed by them? Whenever I've ''dated'' someone I don't feel the need and/or want to act romantic with them~ (I've found it a little ridiculous) and always seem to just end up acting like a friend with them. Would this mean I'm somewhere on the aromantic spec? :)

Sounds like it to me! If you experience romantic attraction but that fades once you actually get into a romantic relationship, you’re probably lith. If you don’t experience romantic attraction at all, you’re probably aro. If you experience it sometimes but not other times, you’re probably grey-aro. 

BUT, I would say, remember that loving the idea of romantic love doesn’t necessarily mean you aren’t aromantic spectrum or even just aromantic! Plenty of aromantics do enjoy the idea of romance in theory (although, it should be said, there are probably just as many who are romance repulsed).

Sep 20th, 2014

Anonymous said: is there a term for sometimes wanting romance and sometimes being akoiromantically romance-repulsed? just because about two months ago, i realized i'm kind of polyamorous, and then two weeks ago discovered i'm pretty damn aromantic as well. (polyQPs sound amazing!!)

Not sure, actually. Do any of my followers know?

Sep 20th, 2014

Anonymous said: I'm hoping this isn't a silly question but - how do you tell the difference between experiencing romantic attraction but not liking stereotypical 'romantic' things like flowers and valentines, or being aromantic (or on the spectrum) but still wanting close relationships with people? Because whenever I think of stuff I'd like to do in a romantic relationship, I'd pretty much be willing to do those with people I feel no romantic feelings towards at all, so what's the difference?

I would say the difference is that limerence or romantic attraction. For example: if you find yourself experiencing crushes, wanting to date someone, call them romantic-coded words, perform romantic-coded actions like cuddling and kissing and so on (if you aren’t the type of person who would do this with your friends), etc. Even if it isn’t a stereotypical romantic relationship with flowers and valentines, you still experience that romantic attraction. 

Being aromantic or not really has nothing to do with whether you like flowers, chocolates, etc. I’d like to get some chocolates as a gift, personally, and that has nothing to do with orientation. There are plenty of aromantic people who do like these things and plenty of alloromantic people who don’t. It has more to do with whether you experience romantic attraction than what kind of actions you like to perform.

That being said, if you find yourself never having experienced romantic attraction, not being sure if you have, or feeling ambivalence towards it, it’s possible you’re on the aromantic spectrum. 

Sep 20th, 2014

Anonymous said: I'm having a lot of trouble accepting that I might be on the aromantic spectrum. I just always assumed I was alloromantic but on closer inspection I experience sexual attraction but the things I'd want to do with a 'so' are things I'd be willing to do (and in fact do) with friends as well (like cuddling and making out). I don't ever really like the idea of a romantic date setting but idk if that's because of the pressure and basically Im very confused but thank you for this blog. Its a huge help

Yeah, it sounds to me like you’re aromantic or at least on the aromantic spectrum, especially since a lot of your feelings expressed here sound like how I feel. Of course, I can’t tell you how you feel, but I would say you’re probably on the right track in thinking you’re at least somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. 

Sep 20th, 2014

nonebinary:

I meant to post these earlier but, as you might know, I was dealing with some shit but I made these out of boredom and thought they were pretty cute so

(via aromanticnerd)

Sep 19th, 2014