This is a blog for aromantic asexuals, aromantic sexuals, grey-romantics, akoiromantics, and anyone else on the aromantic spectrum. We try our best to be inclusive and will offer advice to anyone who comes to our ask box. Check out our FAQ here if you're confused by any of the terminology we use. Please do not send me asks about asexuality exclusively (and not, for example, aromanticism as it relates to asexuality).

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connorkawaii:

do you ever get friendlust. like. you just see someone and you’re like. man. i have such a friendcrush on you. i wanna be ur friend so bad. i wanna be more than a friend. i wanna be a BEST friend u hear me. ur so cool. i admire u a lot and ur so funny. plz b my bffl. i will treat u right. let me be ur drake-friend. no other friend will treat u like i would

(via sofiajournals)

Aug 27th, 2014

You might be aromantic if…

anagnori:

Aromanticism can be really hard to figure out, especially since we’re often not sure what “romantic attraction” is supposed to be, so I made a list of things I’ve often seen in myself and other aromantic-spectrum people.

These are just generalizations. They won’t apply to every aromantic-spectrum person; and some non-aromantic people will have some of these things, too. Some of the list items are contradictory. Having any of the experiences listed below is not proof that you’re aromantic, nor are you any less aromantic if few of them apply to you. But if you’ve been trying to figure out your romantic orientation, and a lot of these sound really familiar to you…then it may mean something.

I also made a list of words relevant to aro-spectrum people in case that helps.

  1. When you discovered the word “aromantic,” it felt like something finally clicked into place for you.
  2. Identifying as aromantic makes you feel relieved, free, happy, or more like yourself.
  3. When you discovered the concept of a “squish” suddenly a lot of things made more sense to you.
  4. You have trouble telling the difference between romantic and friendly feelings.
  5. You’ve never had a crush on someone, or fallen in love.
  6. You’re not sure if you’ve ever had a crush on someone or fallen in love.
  7. You have trouble telling the difference between a crush and a squish, or between romantic and aesthetic/sexual/sensual attraction.
  8. You have doubted whether crushes or love really exist, or if they’re just cultural constructs.
  9. You find romance boring, annoying or upsetting when it appears in fiction, even if it’s written well.
  10. You once thought that having a crush on someone meant you admired them or really wanted to be their friend.
  11. You thought crushes were something you consciously decided to have, and selected an acquaintance or celebrity to be your crush, because everyone else was doing it.
  12. You forgot which acquaintance or celebrity you were supposed to have a crush on.
  13. If you’re not asexual, a “friends with benefits” relationship sounds ideal to you.
  14. You have trouble relating, or feeling involved, when your friends discuss their romantic relationships or romantic feelings.
  15. Falling in love doesn’t seem very exciting to you.
  16. You don’t understand why other people make such a big deal out of having crushes or falling in love.
  17. You don’t understand why people do ridiculous, irrational or over-the-top things in the name of love.
  18. You don’t understand why finding someone sexually/aesthetically attractive would lead you to want a committed relationship with them.
  19. Or, maybe you sort of understand those things in an abstract way, but you can’t really relate to them.
  20. You have never had a romantic relationship - not because you couldn’t get one, but because you just never really bothered to try, or you liked being single better.
  21. When a romantic relationship gets serious, it makes you feel cold, distant or uncomfortable.
  22. Getting a romantic partner feels more like fulfilling an obligation, or something you’re supposed to do, than something you’re really enthusiastic about.
  23. Your romantic partners always seem to be way more into the lovey-dovey stuff than you are.
  24. A likable person suggests having a romantic relationship with you, and you’re indifferent to it - you’re open to trying it, but you won’t get disappointed without it. Other people may find your indifference bizarre or think you’re giving off mixed messages.
  25. You have felt guilty about not loving your romantic partner as much as they loved you, even though you sincerely cared about them and wanted to love them back.
  26. You have felt suffocated, repressed or tense in a romantic relationship, even though you really liked your partner and they hadn’t done anything wrong.
  27. When your last romantic relationship ended, you felt relieved and free more than you felt sad, even if your partner broke it off, and even if you liked them very much as a person.
  28. You’re more excited by making a new best friend than by falling in love.
  29. You wouldn’t mind marrying your best friend and spending your life with them, even though you’re not in love with them.
  30. You’d rather spend Friday night having a sleepover party with your buddies than going out on a date.
  31. You want a best friend much more than you want a romantic relationship.
  32. It’s not so much the idea of being single forever that bothers you, so much as being alone or unwanted.
  33. You are either oblivious to other people flirting with you, or feel uncomfortable or threatened by it.
  34. You are sometimes perceived as flirtatious when you only meant to be friendly.
  35. You live in a large community and see or meet hundreds of people around your age every year, but none of them have ever stirred romantic feelings in you.
  36. You recognize whether something is romantic or not by comparing it to other gestures, words and signals that your culture has taught you are romantic, rather than “feeling” the romance of it intuitively.
  37. When you say or do romantic things, it feels like you’re following a script or copying romantic things you’ve seen elsewhere, rather than something spontaneous and natural to you.
  38. When thinking about what sort of person you’d want to date, your criteria are identical to what you would want from a best friend.
  39. The main benefit you get from a romantic relationship is either platonic, sensual, sexual, or a combination of those; the romantic aspect is okay but it’s not really the part you like most.
  40. You have trouble imagining romantic activities that you would enjoy, unless those activities are also fun or interesting for you on a platonic or intellectual level.
  41. You feel like your closest friends and/or queerplatonic partners are better at fulfilling your emotional needs than romantic partners would be.
  42. You would rather be huggy, cuddly or emotionally intimate with all of your friends instead of reserving your intimacy for just one person.
  43. You would rather have a queerplatonic relationship than a typical romantic relationship.
  44. You don’t feel as if you’re missing anything in your life right now; having a romantic partner might be nice, but you don’t need it or seek it out.
  45. The idea of being single forever sounds awesome to you.
  46. You enjoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled “romantic,” but at no point during them do you actually feel attracted to whoever you’re with.
  47. You don’t enoy gestures and activities that are traditionally labeled romantic, either because the romance aspect bothers you, or because all of them are just plain unappealing to you.
  48. You avoid going places where people are likely to flirt with you, such as bars, parties, nightclubs, and concerts.
  49. You’re not sure why other people enjoy romantic stories; you usually just find the lead characters to be annoying, boring or dysfunctional.
  50. You like the idea of having a big wedding celebration more than the idea of actually marrying someone.

Feel free to add your own.

These are a great tool for anyone figuring things out!

Aug 26th, 2014

antisepticbandaid:

antisepticbandaid:

Some little phone designs I did because it’s late and I know I get sick of these things people jump to when you come out to them so

( here )

(I’ll be doing more and please let me know if you want your sexual/romantic orientation done or I’ve missed one! These are just the four I’ve done so far)

updated to the correct aro flag!!! apologies!!!

Aug 25th, 2014
madeupofnothings:

[The “A” is for asexuals & aromantics- not allies]
Mine, please and thank you

madeupofnothings:

[The “A” is for asexuals & aromantics- not allies]

Mine, please and thank you

(via mayormadeleinerobin)

Aug 24th, 2014

marydams said: hi i made an aro blog and i was wondering ir you'd mind promoing??? url is aromazing (it's cool if you don't want to tho!)

Absolutely! Go check out this blog!

Aug 24th, 2014

Anonymous said: a thing ive been wondering a lot is do aromantic people belong under the queer umbrella, even if theyre cisgendered and heterosexual?

It’s “cisgender”, not “cisgendered”. An explanation of that here

I’ve answered this question before here also.

Aug 23rd, 2014
So I noticed the flag debate coming up again, so I thought I’d share a flag I thought of. Unfortunetly, I don’t have access to a computer right now, so the best I have to show it is this bracelet I made.
The top color is yellow for aromantic people.
The next is orenge for WTFromantic (being a blend of yellow of aro and red of romantic feelings.)
The next is pink for demiromantic, since it is a red, but it’s also it’s own color.
Green comes next, being the opposite of romantic red, just like it is on the other flags.
After that is light blue for Akoiromantic. It has to do with the fact that they have romantic feelings for people, but no desire or do not want them reciprocated, so they’re “content” to just have their feelings and don’t desire feelings from their interest and blue is the color of contentment.
Grey is for greyromantics, obviously. 
Then the white is for all other aromantic orientations and any that will come in the future. It is a “blank slate” that people can use as they come up with words that describe themselves. It’s open and allows growth in the community but is still only for aro spectum people.
I’m sorry I don’t have a actual picture of the flag and that I’m terrible at explaining my thoughts, I just wanted to throw this out there.

So I noticed the flag debate coming up again, so I thought I’d share a flag I thought of. Unfortunetly, I don’t have access to a computer right now, so the best I have to show it is this bracelet I made.

The top color is yellow for aromantic people.

The next is orenge for WTFromantic (being a blend of yellow of aro and red of romantic feelings.)

The next is pink for demiromantic, since it is a red, but it’s also it’s own color.

Green comes next, being the opposite of romantic red, just like it is on the other flags.

After that is light blue for Akoiromantic. It has to do with the fact that they have romantic feelings for people, but no desire or do not want them reciprocated, so they’re “content” to just have their feelings and don’t desire feelings from their interest and blue is the color of contentment.

Grey is for greyromantics, obviously. 

Then the white is for all other aromantic orientations and any that will come in the future. It is a “blank slate” that people can use as they come up with words that describe themselves. It’s open and allows growth in the community but is still only for aro spectum people.

I’m sorry I don’t have a actual picture of the flag and that I’m terrible at explaining my thoughts, I just wanted to throw this out there.

Aug 23rd, 2014

Anonymous said: I'm sorry if I'm bothering you but could you please help me? I'm very confused about what I am, I've even read some of the definitions and aren't quite sure if they fit? The thing is it's more like I fear being in a romantic relationship. Like, the thought of being in one tends to make me feel sick and guilty and might even lead to me avoiding that person. But I like the thought of romance and even tried to get close to people enough to be in one before! But once I got too close

((This is the continuation of the one before sorry)) I had to pull away because I’d slowly start to feel awful. I have to avoid the person for days before I can feel right being around them again. Because of that I find it difficult to become close with anyone whom I am attracted to. I might even have to avoid people whom I’ve formed platonic relationships with that are the opposite of my gender. I feel guilty because of that, because I’m probably being mean to them all or a sudden or no reason.

Firstly, none of these asks bother me. I wouldn’t answer them if they bothered me. It takes me awhile to answer asks sometimes, but that’s mainly just because I have other things going on in my life. 

Secondly, it sounds like you might be possibly akoiromantic if you experience romantic attraction but don’t wish to have it reciprocated/be in a romantic relationship. Up to you ultimately, though!

Aug 22nd, 2014

Anonymous said: Wondering if I'm possibly on the aromantic spectrum. I've experienced "butterflies"/crush-like feelings only twice in my life (one was instantaneous, the other came after the person liked my back. both eventually faded away). The thing is these feelings are the only thing remotely 'romantic'. Not too fond of marriage, my idea of dates are hanging out and talking sharing laughs like I would with a friend, the idea of treating someone differently because I'm in a romantic relationship (1/2)

with them seems a bit ridiculous to me. I also consider myself a tactile person with close friends, this wouldn’t stop if I entered a romantic relationship. Fact of the matter is I can’t really tell when someone is being romantic or platonic unless I consider the ‘typical’ romantic gestures, even then I get a little uncomfortable if a stranger were to perform romantic gestures to me. Am I somewhere on the aromantic spectrum? (2/2)

It sounds like you might be gray-aro or possibly quoiromantic/wtfromantic, especially if you’ve only experienced romantic attraction twice in your life. I don’t think having tactile/sensual feelings bars one from being aromantic, as a lot of aromantics are touchy-feely people and it doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with romance. Of course, your orientation is up to you ultimately!

Aug 22nd, 2014

mylittleshapeshifter:

Why do people not understand that aromantics are not ‘under the asexual umbrella.’ Romantic identity and sexual identity are not the same thing. Some people are both aromantic AND asexual but those are two different groups that they belong to. Equating aromantic to asexual is just as bad as equating asexual to aromantic please stop.

(via shades-of-grayro)

Aug 22nd, 2014