Reminder that the correct reaction to someone coming out as aro-spectrum isn’t “I’m sorry.”
This is a blog for aromantic asexuals, aromantic sexuals, grey-romantics, akoiromantics, and anyone else on the aromantic spectrum. We try our best to be inclusive and will offer advice to anyone who comes to our ask box. Check out our FAQ here if you're confused by any of the terminology we use. Please do not send me asks about asexuality exclusively (and not, for example, aromanticism as it relates to asexuality).
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comparing aromantic allosexual people to sociopaths:
- is ableist
- is identity policing
- is inaccurate because sociopathy isn’t even a disorder that is diagnosable. it was basically just made up so that police could explain murder with vague “psychology”
- is arophobic
- shows a serious misunderstanding of romantic and sexual attraction
- is a fucking shitty thing to do what the fuck
All of this is true.
Although I would say, keep in mind that there are some aromantic allosexual people who do have issues with personality disorders and empathy, and we shouldn’t erase them either.
Anonymous said: Yeah, if I could just add something too? I'm an allosexual aro, but sex isn't really a necessity for me. If I QP'd with someone who wanted to have sex, great, but if they were aro, that would be totally cool with me. I don't mind either way. It annoys me slightly that that anon was making assumptions about an entire group of people based on their orientation. We're all different people who happen to be aro and sexual, not the other way round.
Yeah, I think the asks I’ve received from people and me voicing my own opinions just show the broad spectrum that is out there in terms of this issue. You can’t really make assumptions about anyone based on orientation, besides the assumption that they do or do not experience certain kinds of attraction.
Anonymous said: Chiming in on aro/ace people dating aro sexual people. It really depends on the person like with all dating. I'm an aro sexual, and my sexuality and its expression are very important to me in connecting with a partner. Also, I'm looking to pursue a sexual BDSM lifestyle, and I want to explore that with a partner that I'm emotionally close to but NOT ROMANTICALLY. So, I wouldn't seek out a QPP with an aro/ace person, but i'd be up front with that immediately. But, I'm only one example.
#bdsm mention #kink mention #sex talk
I can understand that. As I said, everyone’s different. For me personally, I would be very willing to have a nonsexual QP, as long as that nonsexual QP was also okay with me having sexual relationships. But again, everyone’s different! It’s better to deal with the individual and see what they want and need in a relationship, rather than cutting out or including a huge swath of people in your potential relationship pool.
I got bored and started drawing on myself with sharpie, and came up with an aro/grayro design I kind of love. Would have been better if I had a gray sharpie for the rose, but still.
Anonymous said: This is the acenon who asked about aro sexual people being committed to nonsexual partners. Thank you for your reply. I really appreciate it. I just wanted to clarify that I was worrying that an aro sexual person who "dates" sexual partners would choose a traditional primary romantic/sexual relationship over a nonsexual QP if asked to choose by their sexual partner. I realize now, after hearing from different aro sexual people, that most would choose their QP friend in that scenario.
Most aromantic sexual people don’t seek out a typical romantic/sexual arrangement, and some aromantic sexual people (including myself) are actually romance repulsed and would prefer a more no strings attached type of sexual relationship, or a friends with benefits type of scenario. I think it’s a problem of our society to assume that romance goes along with sex automatically.
(Of course, that’s not to make generalizations; there are some aro sexual epople who do enjoy typical romantic/sexual relationships. It just all depends on the person.)
i apologise if im prematurely excited and am reading this wrong, but
has james roberts given us queerplatonic marriage?
has he given us actual ace-spectrum and aro-spectrum representation?
has he given us a form of relationship that is just as valued as conjux endurae, but platonic?? does the mtmte universe recognise a form of queerplatonic marriage that is just as heart-achingly meaningful as romantic marriage??
if so. if so. i cant describe. i cant describe how happy i am
I am in love all over again with robot marriages and now we have confirmed little “elective kin” groups which seem to be little families they make all on their own because they want to be and i’m gonna cry
Just in case anyone wanted confirmation.
Anonymous said: Can queerplatonic relationships include sex or would that be called something else?
They can include sex. You could also say ‘friends with benefits’ or ‘best friends with benefits’, or even ‘sexual QP’ if you want to make a distinction as some people do tend to assume QPs are non-sexual.
Anonymous said: Do you know any snarky comments I can say when someone is automatically assuming I'm going to get a husband and kids and make a whole family? I'm kind of sick of repeating it all the time that I won't and I need something sassy to say. :)
I’m actually not too good at comebacks, so does anyone have any ideas for this anon?
Anonymous said: I've recently come to terms that I am aromantic and I am absolutely fine and rather content with the revelation, but I'm confused about something. Can I still identify as aromantic if I'm an active member of fandom who loves shipping and romance? I'm actually a sucker for romantic storylines, but when it comes to personally experiencing romance myself it makes me uncomfortable which is why I believe I am aromantic. But do my interests in romance for others but not myself mean that I'm not?
This is actually covered in my FAQ.