NOTE: I have a backlog of asks so it may take a week or two for me to reply. If you need a reply urgently (for example, something that's time-sensitive or that you feel extremely anxious about), put (urgent) or some other indication in your ask.

This is a blog for aromantic asexuals, aromantic sexuals, grey-romantics, akoiromantics, and anyone else on the aromantic spectrum. We try our best to be inclusive and will offer advice to anyone who comes to our ask box. Check out our FAQ here if you're confused by any of the terminology we use. Please do not send me asks about asexuality exclusively (and not, for example, aromanticism as it relates to asexuality).

Anonymous said: URGENT I asked this question earlier but I didnt put urgent so I'll do this again ad disregard the other asks. I am currently dating someone and i have just been able to put a label on what I've been feeling my whole life. I'm lithromantic. I have told my gf what repulses me and they are v nice about it. I wanna know if you've ever heard of someone bein able to keep a relationship that was aro or allo. Or even if you think it's possible. And whether or not I should keep trying for this. Meh

Mixed-orientation relationships are definitely possible, but they require a lot of communication on the parts of both (or all) parties. It’s definitely possible and I’ve heard of other lith or grey-aro people working through it with their partner, but it definitely requires a lot of coordination and compromise on the part of both parties to make it work, moreso than the average relationship. 

Should you keep trying for this? Well, I don’t know. Should you? Do you think the benefit outweighs the lack of attraction/repulsion towards certain romantic things for you? If it doesn’t, then I would say maybe you want to reevaluate. If it does and you’re both happy as is, though, why ruin a good thing? 

There seems to be a bit of uncertainty in your ask, though. If you don’t feel that you want a romantic relationship whatsoever or that the cons outweigh the pros, then I’d reevaluate. I would ask yourself: why are you in this relationship? Is there something you gain from it? That’s not something I can answer, it’s something only you can. 

Oct 21st, 2014

Anonymous said: am i the only one who is getting really tired of the flag talk? yes, it's important, but it seems like people are placing its importance above those who might be struggling with their aromanticism or educating people about it. i want a community of support, i don't care what pattern of stripes is used to represent it.

I agree to an extent. Symbols help bring us more visibility, and that’s important - but symbols are just symbols, and they only help to an extent. I think the most important issues in the aromantic community are education, support, and dismantling amatonormative ideas.

However, that doesn’t mean we can’t do these things and still talk about the flag. And it is important to have a core flag or symbol that we can recognize and say “yes, that’s us”. If I see someone with an aromantic flag pin, for example, I know instantly they’re someone like me.

But I agree that it’s not as important as the things you mentioned. 

Oct 21st, 2014

Anonymous said: Heck, I'm aromantic and asexual and I don't like that flag at al because I don't consider my asexuality and aromanticism to be interconnected or related, and I don't think of them similarly at all. The flag doesn't have any upsides, anyway.

Exactly. Enough people take issue with it that it isn’t good for us to use as a community. The flag should try to be as inclusive of as many of our community members as possible, not alienating. 

Oct 21st, 2014

Anonymous said: I'm aromantic and allosexual and I personally don't see a problem with those flags. The demigirl and demiboy flags are similar in design but they're not the same thing. Having similar flags imo represents solidarity with each other, not that we're the same thing. If someone uses that as a reason to erase allosexual aros, that's their fault and their action and has nothing to do with the flag.

That’s your opinion. I’m aromantic allosexual and I do have a problem with the flag. There’s a different context here than demigirl/demiboy because aromantic and asexual are often conflated as being the same thing, whereas demigirl and demiboy are not, and there’s a pretty strong history in the aro/ace community of erasing aromantic allosexuals. 

Just because you don’t have a problem with it doesn’t mean no one does, or that we should use that flag. 

Oct 21st, 2014

Anonymous said: what flag are you talking about in the last few asks? what does it look like?

It’s a version of the asexual flag but with a green stripe instead of purple. It’s been criticized since it makes it seem as though aromantics are just an extension of asexuality.

Oct 21st, 2014

Anonymous said: Hey, sorry, that flag based on the asexual one is problematic and is actually upsetting to a lot of people and I really don't think it should be promoted or encouraged. Asexuality and aromanticism are already considered the same by too many people, so the visual similarity does not help, and it especially doesn't do those who are one but not the other any favors, especially those on the aromantic side of things. Its gotten a lot of exposure from this blog, it appears, and that is disappointing.

I have the same problems with it you did; I queued that post quite a long time ago and actually forgot it was in my queue. My apologies. I’m deleting it now and implore my followers to stop reblogging it and delete their posts since it’s harmful and erasing of aros who don’t identify with the asexual community whatsoever. 

Oct 20th, 2014

cutebunnynoses said: Hey could you take down the aro flag post I made that was modeled after the ace flag? I now use the green/light green/white/gray/black flag bc I think everyone agreed that it's the best.

(Urgent) please see my ask before this, I forgot to put that it was important. Lots of people are getting upset again and they don’t know that I no longer use the aro flag I previously suggested

Sorry, I queued it without thinking quite a long time ago. I’ll delete it now, and ask my followers to please quit reblogging it.

Oct 20th, 2014


people who think “labels r bad” are laboring underneath a fundamental misunderstanding of language and of human psychology

i encourage these people to look up information on color as a social construct (heres a place to start)

why is this relevant? well, this might come as a shock to you, but the human ability to see and distinguish color is directly related to how we define color with words. the language of color usually evolves from a few dichotomies — dark and light, cold and warm. how it develops from there is dependant on the culture — and their environment — and the consequence of this is that different cultures may have completely different perceptions of color

if the language you have at your disposal doesnt distinguish between two types of color — for example, different warmths of brown, or the hue differences between yellow-green and blue-green — then you may find it difficult to actually see the difference between those colors. someone who speaks a language that does? would see the contrast like night and day

think about that for awhile. mull it over in your mind. think about all the things you begin to notice as soon as you learn the words for them. think about how taxonomy effects you in your daily life. NAMES ARE IMPORTANT. names are the difference between the visible and invisible

if you find yourself chafing at the idea of people giving names (“labels”) to themselves, think about this: what is it that youre trying not to see?

(Source: princespectr)

Oct 20th, 2014

Anonymous said: (urgent) I have read so many diffrent definitions of all the diffrent types of aromantisism and I thought I fell under the gray-aro definition but now reading your definitions I think I more fit under the lithromantic definition and now I'm confused as to what I should identify as once again

What should you identify as? Whatever feels right to you! Just because something technically fits you doesn’t mean you have to identify with it, and there’s a lot of overlap between orientations. For example, I could technically fit the definition of wtfromantic/quoiromantic as I have no idea what romantic attraction would mean for me, but it doesn’t resonate with me, especially since being aromantic and identifying myself as such is important to me. I don’t think this makes me any less aromantic. It should be noted you can identify with multiple labels, too.

Gray-aro is a big umbrella term, and it includes lithromantic too. If we’re envisioning a chart with aromantic on one side and allo on the other, then grey-(a)ro encompasses everything that’s in the middle, including things like demiromantic, lithromantic, etc. 

If you feel lithromantic fits you more and can help you better explain yourself, by all means use that label. But if you’re not sure or feel grey-(a)ro fits you more, go with that! 

(By the way, the different aro spectrum identities are not different types of aromanitcism. They are different types of identities on the aromantic spectrum. This is a small but important distinction.) 

Oct 19th, 2014
"Amatonormativity is “the assumption that a central, exclusive, amorous relationship is normal for humans, in that it is a universally shared goal, and that such a relationship is normative, in the sense that it should be aimed at in preference to other relationship types”"

A philosopher explains the moral value of all caring relationships

Oh my… and suddenly a lot makes sense.

(via spheresofpossibility)

In case anyone wonders what I mean when I say this.

(Source: reasonandnonsense, via aroramblings)

Oct 19th, 2014