This is a blog for aromantic asexuals, aromantic sexuals, grey-romantics, lithromantics, and anyone else on the aromantic spectrum. We try our best to be inclusive and will offer advice to anyone who comes to our ask box. Check out our FAQ here if you're confused by any of the terminology we use.
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Anonymous asked: Hiya! I dunno if this is the right place to ask, but I'm writing a story for my aro friend for her birthday, and I was wondering if ya'll have any tips or tricks on how to write about queerplatonic relationships? A lot of the stuff I'm doing is based off posts about asexual characters, but I don't feel like I'm doing arrow-folk justice that way :(
The best thing you can do as a writer is go to the source. Be curious about queerplatonic relationships. Ask questions to aro people who are comfortable with sharing. Read some posts about queerplatonic relationships like this or this, or look at blogs like this. Read as much as you possibly can about QP relationships and talk to as many people as you can that are willing to speak about it (I’m willing to answer any questions you may have, by the way). And don’t forget, although they may not use the word ‘queerplatonic’, a lot of relationships in media follow the QP structure and may be a good starting point: JD and Turk from Scrubs, John/Joan and Sherlock, moirails from Homestuck, etc.
An important thing to remember about QP relationships is that every single one is different (which is true of romantic relationships, too, but romantic relationships tend to follow a societal structure). Some may lean more towards what might appear to be romantic to an outsider and some may lean towards just being like super-close best friends. I’d focus more on your characters and what kind of relationship it makes sense for them personally to have, and go from there. If you try to fit a specific ‘QP structure’, it’ll come out boring. You have to let the relationship grow organically.
Good luck with your story!
roborails asked: I heard Will Grayson, Will Grayson was aro friendly/had an aro character but I've never read it
I read Will Grayson, Will Grayson. I actually found it disappointing because
The character even calls himself something equivalent to “a-relationshipal” at the start of the book, but then ends up getting into a romantic relationship by the end. It shows that platonic relationships can be just as meaningful as romantic ones, but it STILL has an aro character who later “becomes” romantic, so I’d say be careful if you’re aro and reading it because it could be potentially triggering/upsetting.
Of course, YMMV.
Anonymous asked: From the books of his I've read I would say at times it is definitely rather easy to read into some of the lines and characters as being aromantic, but as far as I know he never really acknowledges the existence of aro people and his books are fairly centered on gay (both romantically and sexually) characters. But again I've only read like three of his books so if anyone has read another please correct me if I'm wrong.
Anonymous asked: Fellow aros! Does anybody know anything about David Levithan? Are his books any good for aromantics?
No idea. I’ve seen a lot of quotes of his that seemed aro-friendly to me, but it could have been taken out of context.
hawkelf asked: Hey - I'm one of the folks behind qpadvice. We update when we get a question, as soon as one of us can put together a coherent response, so usually within a couple of days. We're active, though, I promise! We're happy to help!
wouldyoulikeacumberbaby asked: To the anon who loves a woman who is aromantic: Really? Her being aromantic tears you to shreds? Does that invalidate the other types of love she clearly feels for you to want to be with you? If she has offered a romantic relationship, that isn't pressuring her. See what romantic behaviors you require to be happy, see which ones she is willing to participate in, find a compromise or don't. I find it insulting that it is assumed she is "not interested" in you just because she is aromantic.
This is a good point, too. I guess I meant “Not interested in the way you want her to be”, but that’s true as well. Just because someone is aromantic doesn’t mean they aren’t interested in you at all, and I suppose I was projecting a bit. My apologies.
Anonymous asked: qpadvice is an aromantic advice tumblr, but they update infrequently
Anonymous asked: Hey. I am a girl in my teens. For about 2 years now, I've identified as a lesbian. My thing is, I get crushes, and I dream about being with the person I like, but whenever they show me signs of affection or that they like me back, I get so scared and disgusted. There's one girl I kinda like, who likes me back, but I don't want to date her. I don't want to date anybody because the idea seems appalling to me. Is it possible that I am Aromantic, even if I get crushes?
It sounds like you’re grey-romantic or lithromantic. Only you can define your feelings, of course, but I’d definitely look into lithromantic because it sounds a lot like what you described. You’re probably not 100% aromantic if you get crushes, but I would say you are probably aro-spectrum.