Valentine’s Day, Single’s Awareness Day, and What They Mean for Aromantics
Valentine’s Day is coming up, and I’m sure a lot of aromantics are already well aware of what Valentine’s Day promotes in the public consciousness. I don’t think a lot of romantics are aware, however, or if they are they don’t think about it. The entire idea of Valentine’s Day promotes the idea that romantic relationships are the ultimate relationship to strive for. While some people do use this as an opportunity to send cute cards and candy to their friends and loved ones, overall the idea of Valentine’s Day essentially translates into Romance Day. This just shows how romantic relationships are valued over all other types of relationships in our society, the ultimate to strive for. Many people’s self-worth is tied up in having a romantic relationship, and this is toxic, especially when those who are aromantic, grey-romantic, demi-romantic or any variation thereof internalize these ideas and think their relationships aren’t as important or that they will never find love.
Single’s Awareness Day perpetuates this even more. It treats being single as something sad and temporary, rather than simply a state of being. While this is the case for some, acting as if it is a universal erases people on the aromantic spectrum and also those who are simply happier being single. We do not need to be aware of the sad, poor single people and shaking our heads at their plight. We need to be aware of the people who are happy to be single, who are not single but not in a romantic relationship either, who explore alternatives rather than thinking romantic relationships are the ultimate.
Why is this harmful? Because this continues to treat being aromantic, or simply single, as something that is sad. As something that isn’t completely fulfilling to the individual. The idea of celebrating romantic relationships isn’t one that’s inherently bad, but what is is the idea that romantic love deserves a day more than any other type of love. That romantic love is so fundamental, so important, that we need to have a day just for it. I realize Friendship Day and things like it do exist, but I have never seen them celebrated with the fervor that Valentine’s Day is.
So how do we change this? This Valentine’s Day, send cards and candy to your friends, to your queerplatonic partner(s), to your family members, to any important relationship in your life. Use Single’s Awareness Day or even Valentine’s Day itself as a platform to talk about different kinds of relationships, and how being single is not inherently bad for everyone, whether you are romantic or aromantic. Celebrate Friendship Day and days like it with just as much fervor as you do Valentine’s Day. Change the idea of Valentine’s Day one person at a time.
Promote the idea that being aromantic or any variation thereof (demi-romantic, grey-romantic, etc), or even just single and romantic is not universally bad. Remind people there are other options that are just as valid and fulfilling.
This Valentine’s Day, make it into a day that isn’t dreaded for aromantics, singles, or people in non-romantic relationships. Make it into something new and all-encompassing. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be bad. What is bad is valuing romantic relationships over all others.
Reblogging my Valentine’s Day post again, since it seems topical.
